


Jewels, Tools, and Fools

by Sargentpepper23



Series: Trapped, but along for the ride [8]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Bickering, F/M, Outrageous Flirting, Seduction is an art form, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, The Kid pirates LIVE for gambling, They're nosey busybodies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23174947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sargentpepper23/pseuds/Sargentpepper23
Summary: "You know, I could arrest you for assault.""Oh? And what story will you tell your men?  That an adorable woman with the cutest little hands beat up their big, bad commanding officer"?Or, in other news,Ever goes on a date(?) with a marine captain, Killer's stress eating and throwing markers, and the rest of the crew is scrambling to place their bets on K and E's budding, yet still non-existent relationship.
Relationships: Killer (One Piece)/Original Female Character(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: Trapped, but along for the ride [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1443649
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	Jewels, Tools, and Fools

**Author's Note:**

> 2K in: Ok, this is just a funny, harebrained idea from one tipsy night of drinking. Keep this chapter short.
> 
> 5K in: Jesus, this is getting out of hand. I really need to start wrapping this up.
> 
> 10K in: Well, shit. Ever's tied me up in the backseat, and Nox is taking this story for a joy ride.
> 
> 12K in: Fuck it. The crew are basically side-characters at this point. I might as well indulge and keep going.
> 
> P.S. I'm sure everyone who has read my previous works is WELL aware I have a "comma-gun." So, buckle up tight buttercups because not only is that one out to play, but my "grin-gun" is too *awkwardly points and fires finger guns

Some prick’s big-ass metal hand slammed down on the table, shifting the ice in Ever’s glass, “It doesn’t fucking matter. We’re going to break in tonight, grab the jewels, kill anyone who gets in the way, and torch the place on the way out.”

There was the slightest hint of impatience in Killer’s tone as he replied, “Kid, we need to be discrete. If the museum’s alarm sounds, the entire marine base will be after us.”

He growled, “So? We can take them.”

Ever rolled her eyes, not bothering to look up from her Sudoku puzzle. Kid and the crew had been at this for over an hour, trying and failing to agree on a strategy to rob the island’s natural history museum.

Fox _finally_ stopped tapping that fucking pencil of his, “We need to case the building, see if there are any-“

Heat cut him off with an exasperated groan, “We’ve been over this. The navy knows we are in the area, so security is tighter than normal. I mean, fuck, they have pictures of us! Maybe you want to disguise yourself as a pansy and look around, but I don’t.”

“That’s why we should just bust in and fuck shit up! They already know we’re here, so let’s give em’ something to remember us by”!

The men continued arguing, but Ever could not care less. Nothing had been thrown yet, and she had narrowed her problem square down to three separate numbers. For the time being, she knew better than to offer any suggestions for the raid.

Across the room, glass shattered, “THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT”!

She simply sighed at the loud noise. _At this point, I don’t understand why they haven’t invested in plastic mugs._

The sound of breaking glass summoned Stu, the ship’s new, and hopefully permanent, chef. The former fire chief stood at the door tapping his foot, irritation, and the smell of pesto rolling off of him, "Quit cracking the mugs before I crack one over your head.”

The pipes above the wood-plank ceiling rattled, only to subside to a quiet hum as Killer stood up, “Everyone, out. You have an hour for lunch, and then we're back to the drawing board.”

The crew’s grumblings gradually faded as they shuffled out of the room, leaving the room blissfully quiet. Well, for the exception of Stu.

Intentionally slamming a massive bowl of chicken pesto pasta down in front of Kid, the chef had the balls to stare the ravenous monster down. Feeling like he got his point across, Stu huffed, and served a gobsmacked Heat and snickering Wire across the room.

Penciling in her last number, Ever grabbed her stuff to leave when a hand gripped her shoulder, and two bowls of noodles landed in front of her. Dragging her bowl forward, Ever thanked the first mate as he settled in next to her and let out an honest to god sigh before digging in. _Poor bastard_.

Amused, Ever failed miserably at keeping the humor out of her voice, “That bad, huh”?

The man grunted in acknowledgment, focused on slurping his noodles at a rapid pace, “What are your thoughts, Ever”?

She took a bite and nearly moaned at the taste. _God, this pesto is the shit._ “The same as yours and Fox’s. You should know the layout of the place before going in, especially if security has been tightened." She mumbled the next bit through another eager mouthful, “Wandering around exhibits in the middle of the night and setting things on fire isn’t exactly subtle.”

He sighed again, “I know. We need a map, or hell, even pictures of the inside is better than nothing.”

Ever paused thoughtfully, “Oh? Well, if that’s all you need, I can do that.”

By now having months of practice, Ever was prepared for the ridiculousness she was about to witness. Keeping her face carefully neutral, she watched Killer swing his head towards her, studiously ignoring the green noodles hanging precariously out of his mask, staining its white stripes. _If he were any other man, that would be disgusting._ Without warning, the noodles disappeared into the void as the spaghetti monster inhaled his lunch, flecks of green spitting everywhere, "What," he asked in disbelief.

Biting the inside of her cheek to keep from snickering, she discretely wiped pesto off her hand and continued, “You said you needed a map and pictures, right? Give me a camera snail, beli for food, and send me on my merry way. Most museums offer free maps inside, and I’ll blend right in with the other tourists taking pictures.”

Killer remained still, probably staring at her as if she had grown two heads. 

Ever waved her fork at him, “Oh come on, it’s a sound strategy! The Navy can’t honestly have pictures of me. I mean,” she gestured at Heat’s leather corset, Wire’s fishnet stockings, and back at her very _normal_ long-sleeve t-shirt and jeans, “Do I look like I belong to a pirate crew, much less this crew”?

Killer tapped his finger on the table, contemplating her offer as she continued, “Besides, this is my chance to see the exhibits before you heathens completely trash them.”

He huffed at that, his grin going unseen, and played along as if he didn’t already know better, “You think we can’t control ourselves”?

Her response was immediate, “Absolutely not. The lot-of-you are the definition of out-of-control, uncultured swine.”

His grin turned feral, “Finish your lunch and go get ready. I trust you, but you’re going to have to run this little excursion by Kid.”

Her eyes shined, and she tipped her head back, “Hey Kid,” she grinned at his upside-down scowl, “You cool if I go to the museum and take pictures for you guys”?

His brows furrowed, and he scoffed, shoving more pasta in his mouth as he grumbled, “About goddamn time you did something useful.”

~~

Not even an hour later, Ever smiled kindly at the navy officer searching her belongings, “Sorry about the hold-up miss, new security policy.”

She waved him off, taking her bag and camera snail back from the marine, “Oh it’s no problem, you’re just doing what you have to do. Have a good day”!

Stepping into the lobby, she gladly accepted the map offered to her by the greeter and took in the grand space, more than a little in awe of the cathedral ceilings, wrought iron chandeliers, and floor to ceiling windows bathing the marble floor in soft light. The sound of children laughing bounced off the walls, and she smiled to herself, watching twin boys point and clamor excitedly at the literal elephant in the room, dragging their already overwhelmed father behind them. Shaking her head and trailing them, she opened the map and snapped a picture of the museum’s layout, the image transmitting and printing for Killer back on the ship. Taking in the space one more time, she snickered at the commotion in front of her, and turned into the nearest wing of the museum, mentally wishing the poor father luck as he frantically called and stumbled over his twin's names, desperately pleading with them to _“Get off!”_ the elephant.

Exploring and taking pictures of the Geology and Fine Minerals Wing, Ever casually touched the side of her jacket, glad the new security measures did not include pat-downs. If it had, she hoped they would have bought her bullshit story as to why there was a transmitting audio snail in her pocket. Killer had stuffed it in there on her way out, insisting she, _“Keep this on, we need all the information we can get.”_ Judging by the cacophony of noise filtering from the hall ahead of her, she had a feeling the snail had its work cut out for it.

Turning the corner and wrinkling her nose, she swore quietly as she stepped into the jewel themed exhibit everyone was so gung-ho about robbing.

To say it was crowded was an understatement. People of all ages swarmed the large area, eager to view Princess Catherine’s infamous jewelry collection before the traveling exhibit moved on. Girlfriends tugged their boyfriends along, not so subtly suggesting they liked _that_ shape of ring or _that_ type of stone. Kids pressed their grubby little hands and faces to the bullet-proof cases, leaving smudges and smears of snot on the transparent surfaces. Nearby, an old woman in a motorized-wheelchair ran a man’s foot over, promptly telling him to _“Fuck off”_ when he yelped. Overhead, a woman’s soothing tone played on a loop, reciting facts about Catherine, the jewels, and her untimely death.

Overall, the exhibit was a shit show, and that wasn’t even taking into account the excessive number of Navy personal stationed about the room. There was at least one marine, if not two in each corner, monitoring the crowd and the lesser jewels showcased on either side of the room. In the center where the royal jewels were displayed, they lined the backsides of the cases, refusing to move and unwilling to answer any questions less they lose their focus. Their commanding officer, a captain, judging by the stripes adorning his white jacket, stood up front, surveying the area and occasionally speaking into a transponder snail.

Whistling lowly at the show of strength Ever started taking pictures. Of the room, of the lesser jewels, of the position of the marines, of the fucking ceiling because god, she could practically feel the beady little eyes of the security snails on her back. She snapped a photo of anything and everything that could potentially help tonight’s mission go smoothly. Well, as smoothly as possible. Let’s be honest, Johnny would, without a doubt, “mistakenly” blow something up.

Eventually satisfied that she had covered every angle, Ever put the camera away. Hoping she had not short-circuited the poor snail, and knowing Kid was without a doubt bitching about how much printer toner she had just blown through, she picked her way through the throng, ready to judge for herself if the royal jewelry was really worth the hype because yeah, jewelry is pretty and shiny and on the rare occasion she wears her diamond studs, her confidence skyrockets to that of a goddess. But come on, that’s all it is, just- _Ooooooh._

… Ok, she had to admit, the jewelry may be a little garish and over the top for her, but Catherine had great taste.

Bracelets and earrings of all shapes and sizes lay nestled in black velvet, their jewels sparkling in a rainbow of colors under the sharp light in the case. Diamond, sapphire, emerald, ruby, amethyst, you name it, all bound in bands and claws of silver and white gold, designed to complement Catherine’s natural skin tone. According to the voice from above, Catherine refused to wear gold.

Beckoned by the sheer amount of pretty before her, Ever unconsciously leaned down, eyeballing an intricate pair of teardrop aquamarine and diamond earrings, complete with a matching cuff. Moving closer, her breath fogged up the case and goddammit when the hell did she get so close? Muttering profanities under her breath and staunchly refusing to press her face up to the glass like some sort of loon, she backed off, only to move to a stand-alone case when a flash of midnight blue caught her eye.

The diamond, sapphire, and mother of pearl tiara inside winked at her, prompting a mental image of silk flats tapping softly on marble as a woman floated down castle stairs, midnight, silver, and stars shining in her dark hair. It was obvious this piece was created to exude poise, regality, and control in all situations. The same could almost be said for the necklace in the case next to it. However, what it lacked in poise, it more than made up for in arrogance. The ornate, ruby and diamond necklace was massive and would have easily covered up the majority of Catherine's upper chest. Five rubies, practically the size of chicken eggs and lined in diamonds, stretched wide from collarbone to collarbone, with smaller rubies, similarly surrounded in diamonds, dripping between its cracks. This was not a necklace one wore to diplomatic dinners or droll husband-hunting ballrooms. It was by no means subtle or demure. It was a blatant power move, and if Catherine had been smart, she would have worn this to war councils, or to put it in a crass manner, seduce the shit out of somebody.

The mental image came all too easily, of a woman lounging cross-legged on a throne, staring down the poor, insignificant, love-struck sod before her. The slit up her dress would have shown slightly more thigh than was appropriate, and her lipstick would have been chosen to carefully match the dark rubies, no doubt smoldering with an inner light on her chest. The fool in front of her would have no idea how conniving she- _Crap, where the hell is he going?_

Blinking away her daydream, and reminding herself to stay calm and not act like someone conspiring to steal everything in the room, Ever’s eyes tracked the marine captain’s white jacket as he stepped off the dais and sauntered his way towards the crowded case next to her, hands in his pockets. From her limited view, she couldn’t tell what he was looking at, but something in the crowd must have caught his attention.

Craning her neck around the lady next to her, she looked for anything suspicious. What had he seen? Was it dangerous? Was someone sketchy? Were they too close to the case? Had they tried any funny business? Was the captain going to arrest someone? Was that someone her?! Jesus fuck, I will _not_ do well in prison!

Ever was spiraling, and she knew it. Just as she knew she had a problem. She was nosy. Not in the sense of insensitively sticking her nose into other people’s personal business, but wanting, no needing to know what was going on around her. It was stupid, probably stemmed from her control issues, and would, without a doubt, get her into trouble one day.

Shooting one last look at the ruby necklace and mentally promising to try it on before Kid sold it for pieces, that uncultured swine, she walked over to the next case, eager to know what the fuck she was missing out on.

_Well shit._

From what Ever could see, nothing was going on. Sure, there were entirely too many people hovering around the small case, and the guy next to her smelled distinctly like onions and stale alcohol, but nothing screamed ‘danger’ or ‘tomfoolery.' Even the captain looked bored, standing nonchalantly in front of what appeared to be a beautiful emerald engagement ring.

Weaving through the crowd, she moved closer, keeping an eye on the back of the man’s head as she neared the case. If the captain had come over here intending to be covert, he sure as hell wasn’t blending in. He stood easily as tall as Killer, towering over everyone like a fucking mutant. Coupling his height with his dark brown bed-head hair, muddy black boots, and the massive sword peeking out from his tailcoats, he stuck out like a sore thumb next to the potbellied man on his left and blushing school-girls on his right.

A front-row view of the ring opened up, and Ever moved quickly, almost bumping into the captain as he slid into the spot before she could, completely unaware of her approach. _God dammit._

Mentally grumbling at the wall of white in front of her, she stuck her tongue out at the word “Justice” emblazoned on his back and unsuccessfully attempted to peer around him. Even standing on her tiptoes, all she got was a closer look at his broad shoulders and a pleasant whiff of citrus. Huffing in annoyance, she pursed her lips and glared at him. Wasn't there some unspoken rule that tall people need to stand in the back so the short people can see?

Once again standing on her tiptoes, she gently tapped his shoulder, masking her annoyance with a soft voice, “Umm, excuse me-”

Golden eyes met hers and languidly swept her form, giving her a cursory once over, "Sorry, miss. I can’t move from this spot. Navy business.”

Ever blinked, and blinked again, heat rising to her cheeks. _God, he’s FINE._ Flustered, she nodded, “Of course Captain, I understand. Thank you for your service.”

He smirked, and Ever unconsciously gripped her jacket, resisting the urge to swoon as he turned back towards the case.

Rolling up her sleeves, she discretely fanned herself. _Holy moly, I would climb that man like a tree- SHIT, Ever stop it! Get your head out of the gutter and focus! You are here for business, NOT pleasure._

The couple next to the captain moved and Ever scooted into the opening, trying and failing to admire the elaborate swirls of silver and brilliant sheen of the emerald as her eyes unwillingly slid sideways towards the most beautiful thing in the room. _It doesn’t matter if his sun-kissed face is perfectly sculpted or his bed head makes me want to run my fingers through his dark hair, and I’m sure tracing the outline of his abs with my tongue would be delight- OH MY GOD, ENOUGH! HE IS A HUMAN BEING, NOT A LOLIPOP!!_

Glaring at the ring, she pinched and twisted the skin on the back of her hand with her nails, refusing to let go until her horny, overactive imagination slowed to a crawl, and her eyes burned with unshed tears. She would not look at him again. He is a distraction. A very good-looking, citrus smelling, distraction.

Not even thirty seconds later, she caved. One tiny peek at his arms wouldn’t hurt. I mean, his tan forearms look so good crossed like that, and the quirk of his mouth is downright sin- _Wait._ Fully turning her head, her mouth fell open in outrage. _Navy business my ass!_

Ever simply couldn’t believe it. There was the captain, standing all cocky with his arms crossed and a sly smirk on his face, blatantly staring at some hot, blue-haired woman’s ass. As if sensing his attention, the woman shot the captain a coy look over her shoulder and proceeded to give him a flirty finger wave.

Scoffing, Ever bit back the scathing comment she so badly wanted to sling at him. _Don’t do it Ev, it will only lead to more trouble than it’s worth. Tell that sassy bitch inside of you to chill out, eat a taco, and ignore the fact that this fucker is abusing his position in hopes of getting laid._

No longer intrigued by the ring, she scowled at the pair openly eye-fucking each other. Winking at the man, Hottie sensually walked towards the next exhibit, the captain’s gaze firmly planted on her swinging backside as she rounded the corner. Smirking, he moved to follow, completely forgetting that Ever was right next to him, or even more insulting, assumed she would move out of his way.

She didn’t, and he walked right into her, elbowing her side and stepping on her freshly washed sneaker with his dirty boot.

The captain, completely unapologetic, failed miserably at disguising the irritated look on his face as he apologized, not even bothering to look at her, "Sorry, miss."

Well, fuck you too, dude. Ever snapped.

Her eyes sparked, and the venom lacing her tone should have killed the man, “No need to sound sincere Captain. God forbid I distract you from your _navy business_.”

Finally looking at her and at a loss for words, he stood there open-mouthed like a fool as Ever returned the favor, elbowing him out of her way and stomping towards the next exhibit, muttering curses at both herself and the captain under her breath. _Fuck him, fuck this, and fuck me and my goddamn viper mouth._

This is definitely not how today was supposed to go. She had planned on taking a few pictures, learning anything that wasn’t nautical terms and self-defense technique based, and _relishing_ in a stress-free environment. _Not_ calling a navy officer on the ridiculous bullshit he was throwing around, which, that ass-hat deser-

_No._

She would not justify this. She had unnecessarily drawn the navy’s attention and royally fucked up. Now, her actions may have put herself and by association, the crew, under the microscope. Passing into the Fine Arts Hall, she stomped towards the colorful, abstract piece of art in its center and jammed her thumb down on the camera snail’s button. _Seriously, how difficult is it for me to keep my fucking mouth shut?_

Noting the lighter security and making sure to snap photos of the long hall’s marked exits and sun-lit windows, Ever huffed as she caught sight of Hottie’s blue hair bobbing amongst a tour group. Moments later, she let out an undignified snort as the captain entered the hall, obviously searching for someone.

Rolling her eyes, she turned to slip into the large family next to her only to click her tongue because they were no longer there, having moved to another portrait. _Shit._

Searching for anyone else to hide behind, she unfortunately locked eyes with the captain, who took that as an invitation to approach her. Sniffing, she turned her head and glared at him out of the corner of her eye, completely ignoring the brush of his jacket as he stopped next to her.

Ever was prepared for anything. She was ready to jump back if he reached for her and call him every name under the sun if he tried any funny business. Hell, she was prepared to verbally duke it out with the monster if he gave her a hard time about before. However, what she did not expect was for him to lean down, and with a voice deep and smooth like honey, politely ask, “Can you scoot over a bit? I can’t see that tight ass of hers from here.”

_… Are you fucking kidding me?_

The withering look she shot him would have sent lesser men running, “No! Go find somewhere else to creep, and while you’re at it, leave me alone”!

Standing back to his full height, he grinned down at her, “Not a chance. You’re the most interesting person that’s spoken to me all day, and might make patrolling this museum bearable.”

Refusing to be suckered in by his half-assed compliment and charming appearance, Ever stalked towards the tour group, trying and failing to ignore the captain trailing her like a stray puppy, “I’m Nox.”

“Good for you.”

“So… What’s your name”?

“None of your business.”

“Hmmm, that’s a bit of a mouthful. I thought it would have been something nice, like Lily or Elizabeth.”

She whipped back towards him, keeping her voice down as she reached the tour, “Are you out of your damn mind, or just unfamiliar with the term stranger-danger”?

His brow furrowed, and he slowed to step over a leashed toddler, actually taken aback by her comment, “What do you mean by that? I’m a navy captain, someone you can trust.”

She studied him, skeptical. Was he yanking her chain, or did he seriously believe his own words? Reading nothing but honesty and confusion on his handsome face, she decided on the latter, “Sorry to break it to ya, but your reassurances don’t mean jack shit to me. You and I both know the navy doesn’t have a stellar track record of recruiting morally competent figures who make sound ethical decisions.”

“Jesus, you sound like my mentor,” he croaked the next part out in crotchety old man voice, “Nox, It’s important to understand the complex history of our organiza-“

Only half paying attention to him and intrigued by the portrait of the rotund man the tour guide was animatedly rambling on about, plus the bronze statue of a pasta bowl next to it, Ever shushed him, “Will you be quiet! I’m trying to learn something here.”

The affronted look on Nox’s face said it all, the man had obviously never been shushed in his life, “I- you- did you just-“

Ever, and the impressionable leashed toddler giggling next to Nox, shushed him, which earned them a disgruntled _Harrumph_ and some goddamn peace and quiet.

Finally able to make out the tour guide’s words, she caught the tail end of their explanation, “-and so after eating 24 bowls of pasta in one sitting, Reginald’s stomach exploded. This statue, created in memoir of him, was commissioned by his family, honoring the success of his now world-renowned noodle factory and celebrating his life as a pasta connoisseur.” _Oh my god, Killer is going to lose it when he hears this story. Actually, knowing him, he’ll convince Kid to raid the factory for the secret recipe and just so happen to stock up-_

“Psst.”

She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, ignoring Nox.

“Pssssssst.”

_Deep breath Ev. If you ignore him, he will eventually go away._

“PSSSSSTTTT”! _I’M GOING TO STRANGLE HIM!_

Ever whirled on the captain, growling through gritted teeth, “WHAT”!

He pointed at the portrait, snickering, “Weren’t you listening? He pas-ta way.”

Her eye twitched, and she bit the inside of her cheek, checking her urge to smile at the fucking door. Damn her weakness for shitty puns. She would not give this tool the satisfaction of knowing how hilarious she found his play on words.

He must have noticed a crack in her armor because he sidled in next to her, whispering in a smug voice, “Do you think as he laid their dying, he told his guests “Pasta la vista, baby””?

She snorted, unable to control her grin, “Really? Have you no respect for the dead”?

“Not really, they’re dead. Plus, I’m sure he died happ- Switch me spots”! 

She let out an indignant squawk as Nox grabbed her by the shoulders and moved her, “Hey man! Quit the manhandling. At least give me a heads up- SERIOUSLY? You’re staring at her ass again“?

He smirked, not taking his eyes off Hottie, “Don’t worry, in my heart, you’re my one and only.”

Her face warmed even though she knew Nox was full of shit, “Do you make a habit of flirting with anything that has legs”?

Still not looking away from Hottie, his golden eyes shined as his mouth curved to form a wicked grin, “Only the pretty ones.”

Ever readjusted her sleeves, the room uncomfortably warm. She was in trouble, and his name _should_ be trouble. With his honeyed tongue and irresistible good looks, Nox was a certified panty-dropper, and that made him so much more dangerous than his muscular frame and over-compensating sword already made clear. “Do me a favor and go find someone who will actually fall for that crap.”

With the arrogance of a king, he raked his gaze over her, a single eyebrow rising at her flushed cheeks and obvious fidgeting. Mercifully, he changed the subject, but his smug smirk and peacock posturing told all. He wasn’t the only one full of shit around here. “I need to finish my patrol and keep an eye on the crowd, but I think we should stick together. With your commentary, I won’t contemplate impaling myself on the narwhal down the hall.”

Unimpressed but intrigued, Ever snorted, “And when you say keeping an eye on the crowd, you mean one woman’s ass in particular?”

“See, you already know me so well.”

Shaking her head in amusement, Ever made up her mind. This was going to end terribly, but it had been months since she had held an actual conversation with someone outside of the crew, let alone someone who was outright flirting with her, even if it meant nothing. Besides, she had yet to break any laws, and if she stuck close to the captain, maybe she could glean more information for the crew. “Fine, you can walk with me. Just make sure I’m long gone before you bang Hottie in a closet somewhere.”

His smirk turned predatory, “Deal.”

~~

Ever just wanted to beat her head against a wall, or better yet, take up Nox’s suggestion and impale her self on one of the clashing, stuffed narwhals across the room.

In the twenty minutes she had spent patrolling with the captain, snapping photos of Wild Kingdom Hall and a discrete one of Nox’s butt she needed to swipe out of Killer’s mounting pile of photos later, the man had radioed his men five times to adjust the cameras, flirted with four different women, and engaged in an arm-wrestling contest with one bratty seven year old.

Watching in disbelief as Nox, no holds barred, slammed the girl’s arm down on a viewing bench, he told the scowling brat, “Next time you want your butt handed to you, ask for Captain Nox up at the marine base.”

Rolling her eyes at the menaces, Ever slinked over to the Arctic Wolf attraction, taking advantage of Nox’s distracted state to inspect the maintenance door behind- “Ever! Check this out. It's so soft”!

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Yeah, that was another problem. The fucker had finally got her to snap out her name after calling her by the names of the various women he has slept with, unashamedly stating, _“I’ll guess it eventually.”_

Grumbling in disappointment that the narwhal tusk was too high off the ground to end her misery, she snapped a quick photo, turned, and swore at the sight, marching over to him, “Jesus Christ, you’re like a small child,” she swatted his hands away from a stuffed otter, “Keep your hands to your self”!

If it wasn’t for the mischievous gleam in Nox’s puppy dog eyes, Ever might have believed his confused look, “But the signs say not to touch the masterpieces”?

 _Good God._ How the hell did she get stuck with this overgrown, charming toddler? “You are unbelievable.”

He had the audacity to grin and pet the otter again, “And you’re adorable.”

She bit her lip and slapped his hands from the cuddly creature, heat rising in her cheeks, “Flattery will only get you so far, _captain_.”

His grin morphed into a smirk, “So, it is getting me somewhere”?

_God. Dammit._

Her brain was short-circuiting, nowhere near functioning enough to think of a witty comeback. Huffing, she settled for turning on her heel, ignoring Nox’s puffed out chest and the soft click of his boots as he swaggered behind her into one of the main corridors connecting the halls, “Oh c’mon, don’t be like that! We’re having so much fun together.”

The pair was approaching the tour group again, Nox's long strides quickly gobbling up the distance between them before slowing to match her own, “That’s funny. I’m leaning more and more towards the idea of drowning you in the gaudy fountain out front.”

He snickered, thoroughly enjoying every one of her half-hearted cold retorts, “Ooh, a sadist. I can dig that.”

She ran a hand down her face in exasperation, his comment completely untrue. This man was going to drive her up the wall. Or if she got lucky, pin her to one. He would wrap his hand in her dark hair, pulling her head back as he nipped and sucked at her neck, lavishing it with love bites. His arms would go taut as he hoisted her up, wrapping her legs around his waist, his abs flexing as he ground against her core-

Annnnnddd, there went her horny imagination again. _Damn_ , she was doing so well. She must be truly desperate if she was imagining a quickie against that non-descript doorframe, leading to who the hell knows and who the hell cares- Wait, she needed to care.

Wrestling her fantasy back into a mental box marked _Bad-ideas_ , she pointed towards the near-invisible doorway, only distinguishable by the tiny, bronze plaque mounted beside it, “What’s in there?”

Nox reluctantly dragged his gaze from the direction of the crowd, probably staring at Hottie’s ass again, “It’s the… actually, I don’t think I’ve gone in there before.”

“Well, let’s go.” Ever started forward but stopped when Nox didn’t move. The tour group was moving on, shuffling towards the next hall. Staring, Nox’s gaze shifted back and forth between the unexplored exhibit and Hottie’s blue hair, the latter drifting further and further out of sight. 

Amused at his apparent dilemma, Ever teased, “Oh no. What are you going to do”?

A muscle in his jaw twitched, and he grumbled something under his breath, fishing a transponder snail out of his coat pocket. Radioing his men to adjust yet another camera, he slipped the snail back and stalked towards Ever. Grabbing her hand, his calluses rough and yet not unfamiliar against her skin, he half dragged her towards the small doorframe, “C’mon, let’s check it out.”

Approaching the doorframe, it was clear this exhibit had not received funding from a wealthy donor. In fact, with the white trim of the doorframe perfectly matching the walls, and the bronze plaque roughly the size of a standard sheet of paper, it was almost as if the museum was trying to hide the attraction. This became even more apparent when Nox pointed out the exhibit's name, stenciled above the door, and painted over in white, _The Richard Long Exhibit_. Finally, within reading distance of the plaque, Ever relayed its message, " _In memory of Richard Long. May your personality live on through this exhibit._ Well, that’s not very descriptive.”

Awkwardly flipping open the map with her free hand, she failed to find a clue of what lay ahead, “Hmm, there isn’t even a picture in here. It just says the exhibit is sponsored by Margaret Thrash."

Grunting his acknowledgment, his hand still holding hers like a vice, the pair walked in, stared wide-eyed at the contents of the small room, and simultaneously whispered, "What the fuck"?

Surrounding them was genitalia, specifically, male genitalia of different beasts that roam the Grand Line. They ranged in size, some smaller than the nail on her pinky finger. The largest, arranged as a “compare your height” attraction, stood easily eight feet tall and was a pronounced lime green color.

Ever was in shock, torn between laughing and cringing. Nox, in similar form, dropped her hand and moved forward, slowly turning in a circle before studying another plaque. It was identical to the one outside but significantly larger, embedded in the floor before a strange curly-cue shaped penis that leaned heavily to one side. His lips mouthed the words, trying to decipher its meaning.

Having wandered over to a "specimen," Ever was definitely grimacing at its bulbous head, the size, and color reminiscent of a rubber dodge-ball she had socked a kid with in grade-school. Wondering what in the world had prompted someone to create an exhibit for _this_ , Ever started as laughter, loud and rich, echoed off the walls. Whipping towards Nox, the man was bent over at the waist, clutching his stomach and laughing uncontrollably. He was trying to say something, but he kept cracking up.

Staring at the loon in confusion, Nox finally calmed down enough to form a coherent sentence, tears lining his eyes as he grinned at her, “Don’t you get it,” he pointed at the plaque, “His _personality_ will live on through this exhibit.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him, embarrassed she had yet to solve the puzzle, “No”?

His grin was shit-eating wide as he gave her a hint, “Think. His name is Richard. What’s a nickname for Richard”?

She mentally ran through various names, mumbling some of them out loud “Rich, Ric, no Dick… Dick… OH MY GOD”!

Next thing she knew, she was laughing. Laughing so hard, she was choking on her breath, hiccupping through her sentence, " _May your personality_ Hcc- _live on through this exhibit_.”

Nox, reduced to _giggling_ , nearly lost his balance as he stumbled over and gently rubbed her back, “He must have been one hell of a dick for someone to go to these lengths”!

“Hey man, show some _Hcc_ -respect. That someone is named Margaret, and she’s a fuck- _Hcc_ -ing legend. Damnit, hold on.”

Waving him away as she stood up and inhaled deeply, Ever pinched her nose and held her breath, resorting to the hiccup trick her mother had taught her years ago. Slowly exhaling as the urge to uncontrollably seize melted away, she spoke, “Nox, _please_ pull rank and force the museum to not only recognize this exhibit but formally change its name to the _Hall of Balls._

He cocked an eyebrow, snickering at the name, “Oh, so _now_ it’s ok for me to abuse my position”?

"Absolutely. This attraction is not getting the love it deserves, and this oversight needs to be corrected immediately.”

“Hmmmmmm,” he noted the lingering smile underneath the half-serious expression on her face, tinged a cute pink from laughing, "Help me score with Hottie, and you got yourself a deal."

She shook to that.

~~

Nox had no idea what he had just signed up for.

Ever was bound and determined to get this woman to sleep with Nox. Not that it would be hard. Hottie practically drooled at the sight of him (what man or woman wouldn’t) every time they were in the same room. Still, the first thing she suggested to Nox was to play hard to get. _“Act interested, but don’t seem too eager. It drives us crazy, but women like the chase almost as much as the end result.”_

Having regrouped with the tour, Nox was doing just that. After catching Hottie's eye as they entered Ancient Creature's Hall, he smirked once and promptly ignored every attempt she made to resume their previous eye-fucking.

Watching Hottie squirm and subtly pop open a button on her top, Ever almost felt bad for her. Nox had her practically quitting cold turkey, and if she was in Hottie’s shoes, she would be royally pissed off, scrutinizing every past interaction no matter how minute, wondering where she went wrong. God, it would be so frustrating-

Nox cleared his throat, “So, you’re a woman-“

“That is very observant of you. How in the world did you figure that out”?

He side-eyed her, “I need a woman’s perspective. If you could choose anywhere in this building to have sex, where would it be and why”?

She considered giving him a bullshit half answer, but this horn-dog might very well think it ok to fuck Hottie against any immovable object, private or otherwise, “Someplace quiet where no one would interrupt my good time.”

“No shit. I’m not getting written up for indecent exposure, no matter how good the pussy is. What I want is for you to tell me a _specific spot_.”

She wrinkled her nose up at him, not liking where this question was going. It wasn’t like she was stupid. Every time Nox radioed his men to adjust a camera or stuck close to her like a stray dog, her brain ran a million miles a minute, and her anxiety skyrocketed. What if he knew she was a Kid pirate from the moment she had walked in the building? What if this was all part of an elaborate plan to arrest her?

Swallowing her sudden nausea at the thought of what Kid would do to her if he had to _break her out of prison_ , she scoffed, “Dude, you know this museum inside and out, so _you_ probably know the best spot. Just go somewhere private before Hottie sticks her hand down your pants.”

That stupid, insufferable (hot) smirk was back on his face, “But where would _you_ consider private?”

Ever rolled her eyes and moved towards the Jungle Cat skeleton. There was no way she was going to tell him. Rattling off expert hiding spots and stow-away areas in a museum about to be robbed is a bad idea, especially in front of the guy in charge of protecting the joint. Besides, it was none of his business where she did or did not want to have sex. Even if she did have a few ideas in mind…

As a joke, she tossed him this sound piece of advice, “Take her to the _Hall of Balls_. She might not get the joke, but I'm sure it will give her a hint of what's to come."

He snorted somewhere close behind her, “Thanks for the tip Sergeant Sarcasm. Even I know dicks aren’t attrac… What,” he cocked his head at her, “are you doing“?

The woman was standing stock still, eyes wide in amazement with her hand wrapped around the Jungle Cat’s tooth replica. “Look how big this is,” she whispered in fascination, “I can’t even fit my hand around it.”

He was snickering before she even finished her sentence, “That’s what she said.”

She shot him a look, hand still clenching the tooth, and smacked him on the shoulder, “Get your head out of the gutter.”

He folded his arms across his chest, a teasing glint in his eyes, “You know, I could arrest you for assault.”

Ever cocked an eyebrow at that, “Oh? And what story will you tell your men? That an adorable woman with the _cutest_ little hands beat up their big, bad commanding officer”? She grinned wickedly and thrust her wrists out in front of her, purring, "Go ahead, _Captain_. Slap those handcuffs on me. I’ve been a bad girl, and I deserve to be punished.”

He stepped closer, a wave of citrus washing over her, and smirked, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you”?

Leaning in, she whispered, their breaths intermingling as green eyes clashed with gold, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Never in a million years did Ever think she would be on the receiving end of the hungry look in his eye, and my god, it was fantastic, incredible, exhilarating. She was thrumming with power, with satisfaction, with… with something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Whatever it was, she was practically glowing. _She_ had got _him_ , a man who could have anyone based off looks alone, interested. Interested enough that his eyes kept flitting towards her mouth, unconsciously licking his lips. His throat bobbed, and he leaned forward, the handle of his sword grazing her hip and- _Ohhh this is bad. He is WAY too attractive for me to think straight_. She had to get away from him before she did something incredibly rash, like pull him down for a kiss or drag him into one of those sex spots he so badly wanted to know about.

Lucky (unluckily) for her, Nox’s ringing transponder snail stopped them in their tracks. They held each other’s stares, dark and full of unspoken promises as Nox answered the call, his voice gravely, “This better be good, I-“

The snail was shrieking, “ _CAPTAIN! Some woman just vomited on me! VOMITED!! I need to leave, I need to scrub myself down and bathe in a pool of bleach. That germ-infested petri dish should be arrested and thrown-“_

Nox let out an exasperated sigh and ran a hand down his face, watching Ever closely as she backed away to give him privacy, “Regg, chill. You’re not going to die. It’s just a little bit of throw-up. Base bleaches everything and-“

_“IT DOESN’T MATTER! SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE!! SHE DELIBERATELY PUSHED HER DATE OUT OF THE WAY TO THROW UP ON ME. ME!!!”_

Yeah… Ever was going to let Nox deal with the paranoid germaphobe all by himself. Not her monkey, not her circus. Her circus was much less tame, home to pissy wolves, leopards, and a couple of monsters that rocked out to hard-core metal music at ungodly hours. She’d needed this time to cool her jets. She had a job to finish, and she needed to focus. The crew had a museum to rob.

But… just because she couldn’t touch Nox doesn't mean she would ever forget how much he wanted her at that moment. Mustering up all the feminine wiles she possessed, she shot him a wink and spun on her heel, adding an extra sway in her hips as she walked over to the Allosaurus skeleton, his eyes like a brand on her back.

By the time Nox calmed down his walking disaster and popped up beside her, she had made it down the hall to the Megalodon jaw, “So, you didn’t tell me.”

She looked up at him, his eyes still dark, “Didn’t tell you what,” she asked innocently. Bullshit, she knew exactly what he was referring to.

He had a sly grin as he asked, “Where do-would you have sex in here Ever”?

She would ignore his almost question, the word, _do_ , even if it killed her. She would be horny for the rest of the day and regret this decision years down the road, but she could not fall any further than she already had.

His eyes were burning and raptor sharp as she smirked back, “Figure it out your self Nox.”

~~

Ever, that adorable and sarcastic _tease_ was going to be the death of him. After patrolling through the last two halls, nothing to report except for what he already knew and Ever _finally_ telling him a decent sex spot, she had dragged him over to the gift shop and parked his ass outside, stating, “I’ll just be a minute.”

That was ten minutes ago. What could possibly be taking her so long? He knew she was still in there because this was the only exit, and she had just snickered something at the store clerk. Resting his head against the glass of the shop, he pondered how this was going to go. The woman was being careful and sticking close, her generous figure and flirty attitude drew his attention no matter where she went. He knows women like a man in uniform, and hey, it was definitely one of the perks of the job. Too bad she’s not serious. Even if the woman was genuinely hitting on him, he knows what she does, what she is. _Honey Pot_. Dangerous, seductive, tempting, a man’s wet dream before pulling a garrote tight around their neck-

Nox launched himself forward when someone slammed their palm down on the glass behind him. Reaching for his sword as he whirled, he glared at Ever’s shit-eating grin from inside. She cut him off before he started swearing, her voice muffled, “Get in here, I need your ass.”

_What. The. Fuck._

Grumbling obscenities he stomped in, only to be nearly tackled by Ever, “Hold still, I need to see if these fit.”

“Jesus woman, get your hands off my butt”!

“Oh hush, I’m almost finished. This surely isn’t the first time someone has touched your ass.”

He was struggling, “Of course not. It’s a nice ass, but-”

“Then stop being a pain and stand still. Also, not to burst your bubble, but I’ve seen better.”

_No she didn’t._

He scoffed, “Impossible, have you seen mine”?

“Dude, my hands are on yours, I’ve seen it.”

“How is mine not-“

“Done. Thanks for your _assets_ ,” and with that, she skipped, _skipped_ , up to the register.

Shaking his head in disbelief, he remembered, this woman is going to be the death of him.

~~

Ever would admit it, she was one of those loons from the jewelry exhibit. Her face and hands were pressed up against the cold glass, and she subtly wiped a bit of drool from her mouth as she stared down at the ice cream flavors in front of her. Glancing up at the bored server, she smiled just a tad too wide, "two scoops of vanilla please"!

He sighed, “Cone or cup”?

“Cup,” she jerked her thumb behind her towards Nox, “he can have my toppings. Just ice cream for me.”

Greedily grabbing her cup from his outstretched hand, she paid no attention to what Nox ordered because it didn't matter. She was buying whether he knew it or not. Fishing some beli out of her bag, she handed it towards the server only for Nox to bulldoze through and swat her hand away, practically shoving his crumpled bills into the till. “Hey, I was buying”!

He stared at her like she was a moron, “In what world- You know what, never mind. Shut up and eat your ice cream.”

She puffed out her cheeks but thanked him and dug in. The last time she had ice cream was back home, and that was _months_ ago. How she had survived this long without it, she had no idea. It was a travesty, and thank god it was being rectified now.

Savoring the taste, Ever followed Nox to one of the rickety tables within the center of the small food court. She would never say this out loud, it would be mortifying, and the man would never let it go, but Nox _did_ have a very nice butt. However, Ever was also correct when she said she had seen better. Nay touched better.

To this day, Kid and _Wire_ of all people still never let her live it down. The one time, _one time_ Ever had agreed to drink with the crew, Kid had got her absolutely plastered. Apparently, not that her hazy recollection could recall, she had sprinted past Killer and in all her drunken glory, sunk her hand into one of his ass cheeks and yelled, “Nice buns,” before taking off again. It wasn't one of her finest moments, and she had apologized profusely, but hey, she touched the butt. Worth it.

The table Nox chose was fantastic for people watching. It gave them an uninterrupted view of the entire room, and that’s when Ever spotted Hottie at the ice cream bar. “Hey, look,” she jerked her head in that direction, “It’s Hottie, now’s your chance! You remember the plan”?

Nox just shrugged, not taking his eyes off the way Ever licked a drop of cream off her spoon, “Ehh, I’ll talk to her later.”

Ever raised an eyebrow, “Really? I mean, now’s the perfect opportunity,” she sucked on another spoonful, “You can offer to buy her ice cream, and if all goes well, take her to the aquarium where you can get _nasty_.”

He knew her plan was sound, he really did. His mind kept replaying Ever’s idea like some kind of broken record. However, it was becoming warped and twisted, his mind replacing Hottie with someone smaller. Someone with hair that matched his own and green eyes that sparked with humor.

_“Listen up Nox because I’m only going to say this once. Fuck Hottie here.”_

_He turned towards her. It was just the two of them in the room, deserted in favor of the glass-blowing demo taking place two halls over. Standing next to him, Ever’s arms rested comfortably on the rail as she stared up in awe at the floor to ceiling fish tank, the blue light shifting and softening her features._

_A question formed on the tip of his tongue, but Ever interrupted him, “Here's what you're going to do. First, fuck her on the built-in seating behind us,” she dragged her finger along the rail, “pick up for round two here. Then,” his breath hitched, and his pants grew uncomfortably tight as she raked her gaze over him, “you can fuck her right up against the glass.”_

_His knuckles turned white as he gripped the rail, keeping his hands where they needed to be and not all over the woman next to him. Ever is going to kill him. Her sharp and dirty tongue would haunt him for the rest of his life, and he would relish every moment of it. Tracking the colorful fish in the tank as he reorganized his thoughts, something coherent finally popped out of his mouth as he teased (deflected), “You know, I had you pegged as a lover of rough sex and bondage, but fish? Girl, you kinky.”_

_She shot the side of his head a withering glare and promptly smacked his shoulder, “Jerk. I’m not kinky for fish.”_

_“But you’re kinky for the other stuff”?_

_She smacked him harder._

Remembering every painstaking detail of that conversation, his throat bobbed as he spoke, “I would, but I’m waiting for her to make the first move.”

Ever leaned back in her chair but didn’t comment. If Nox wanted to hang out for a few more minutes, she wasn't going to complain. She enjoyed his company, and god dammit, why did she have to be a pirate now? It was becoming a major inconvenience. 

Peering back at Hottie, Ever wrinkled her nose, "Nox don't look now, but Hottie's watching you. She's eating a banana split and- wait." Pink dusted her cheeks, and she lightly coughed, patting his arm, "You know what, you need to see this. I think she's trying to prove that she has excellent technique.”

He snorted and looked her way, only to look back at Ever, thoroughly unimpressed, “I’ve seen better.”

Ever’s eyebrows practically crawled up her face, and she peeked again, unconvinced and a little in awe. Homegirl was sucking- _oh my god now she’s throating_ that banana like her life depended on it, and with that lacy red bra of hers on full display, she looked nothing short of a seductress. “Uhhh, if you say so.”

“I know so. Besides, this is all part of the plan, remember? I’ll keep ignoring her until the time is right.”

“…. Right.” _Whatever floats your boat Nox. You have way more patience and self-control than I ever would if a guy was pulling moves like that._

Ignoring Hottie and enjoying their ice cream in comfortable silence, Nox biting into his cone and licking out the mint chocolate chip flavor, Ever glanced down at her open bag and grinned at the folded up paper sack within it. Noticing her change in expression, Nox peeked under the table to see what she was looking at and grumbled enviously, “You know if you really want to surprise your boyfriend, you should wear that to bed.”

Ever choked on her ice cream, the ice freezing her throat the opposite of the heat blossoming in her cheeks, “Uh, no, he- I mean we-”

Nox saved her from any further sputtering. He leaned forward with a contemplative look on his face and asked, suddenly serious, “He’s not your boyfriend”?

She stared hard at her ice cream, wanting to dig a hole and stay there for the rest of her life, “No…”

“Hmm,” he glanced down at her left hand, “No wedding ring, so you’re not married.” He shook his head, frowned, and went for the kill shot, “Your fiance’ must be one hell of a cheap bastard.”

She looked up at that remark, her brows furrowed in confusion and annoyance, “I’m sorry, is there some reason you think I’m taken”?

Nox didn’t bat an eye at her tone and with a soft smile, answered casually as if it were a statement of fact, because to him, it was, “Absolutely, you’re too gorgeous to be single.”

Ever couldn’t stop her reaction even if lives depended on it. The world was shifting underneath her, literally as her chair fell forward back onto solid ground, and figuratively. Her heart was racing, blood pumping towards her burning face, and her lips moved without thought into a wide smile. She planted her feet and ducked her head, not wanting to break whatever spell had been cast for Nox to say that. Clenching her toes in her shoes, she reminded herself it is not appropriate to slide out of her chair and onto the floor in a grinning, blushing mess. _Later._ She would do that in the privacy of her room later. Staring down at the grain of the table, she failed miserably at playing off how his compliment had made her day, no, _year_. Clearing her throat and shoving way too much ice cream in her mouth, she mumbled, “You sly dog, that was as smooth as the cream cheese on my bagel yesterday morning.”

He let out a satisfied _Hmmm_ , leaving her to stew in her rampant thoughts. That was hands down the nicest compliment she had ever received, and she had no idea how to react. Do you say thank you to something like that? If so, how do you without sounding like you're just abiding by social niceties and returning it with another compliment, like a favor. Fuck, she had always been bad with stuff like this. Maybe if she-

He nudged her shoe with his boot, “Don’t get all weird on me Ever. You still need to explain your fish kink.”

She looked up at that, cheeks still flushed, but eyes narrowed, "I told you it’s not like that! The fish are much nicer to look at compared to staring down a dingy mop in a cramped closet you oversized tool. You should-“

“Yeah yeah, make all the excuses you want. You're secret's safe with me, you perv.”

His teasing smirk prompted a small smile of her own. He had intentionally brought up his ridiculous suspicions again, stopping her from overthinking and mercifully changing the subject. Mentally thanking Nox, she dug back into her ice cream, eyes flitting across the food court. Clicking her tongue at what she saw, she spoke, “I think you may have missed your chance, Slick.”

Sliding his chair closer to Ever, so he didn't have to cran his neck, gold eyes flashed as Hottie flirted with a bumbling and flustered security guard. Her chest was thrust out, and as she laughed at whatever stupid thing the poor sap just said, she placed a hand on his chest. _Bingo._

Leaning back, Nox slung his arm across the back of Ever’s chair and grinned, “Nah, this is perfect. I’ve been waiting for her to do something other than tease me, like steal those guard’s keys.”

Ever nodded along, murmuring her acknowledgment around the spoon wedged in her mouth, still in a daze from his compliment and thoroughly enjoying the warmth radiating off of Nox’s arm. Then what he said finally hit her. Pulling the spoon out of her mouth, Ever sputtered, “Wait, what? Whe-“

The arm around the back of her chair dragged her close, practically into Nox’s lap while his other hand snaked up to cup the back of her head, holding her still, “Shhhh, she’s looking. I don’t want her to know I’m watching.”

_Holy. Shit._

Ever stayed stock-still, struggling to wrap her head around everything Nox had just insinuated about Hottie. Usually, she was much quicker on the ball, but Nox was _right there_. He smelled heavenly, like a grove of oranges, and his callused fingers caught in her fine hair as he lightly played with it. The warmth of his hands caused goosebumps to pucker on her skin, and her left leg was slung intimately over his right thigh, sending all sorts of dirty thoughts through her mind. From Hottie’s perspective, they could have easily been one of those PDA couples engaged in an intimate conversation. 

She swallowed hard and asked him a question, trying not to focus on the barest hint of a 5 o’clock shadow following his jawline, the softness of his lips, and the tiny flecks of copper amongst the gold of his eyes, “You really think she’s going to steal something”?

He slid his sharp gaze back briefly to meet hers, “I don’t just think it, I know it.” Shifting her weight and pulling her leg further across him, _Oh sweet Jesus abort mission_ , he whispered, “Her name’s Mirabelle Chastain. She made a name for herself as a thief and later joined the Blood Rose Pirates. She specializes in the procurement of jewels and other fine antiquities.”

Ever’s mind was short-circuiting. The hand gripping her leg was _distracting_ , his pointer finger curling over and over against the seam running up the inside of her thigh, “Wow. And you just happen to know what she looks like? Wait, don’t tell me, is she one of the wanted posters you jerk off to after yet _another_ day of failing to get laid”?

His finger twitched, and his grip on her tightened. _Ok… maybe I shouldn’t have teased him like-_ She gasped and shuddered, pressing back against him as he nipped the shell of her ear, his stubble rubbing against her cheek as he chuckled lowly, “Brat. That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one of these days.”

 _Fuck. Yeah._ “-I recognized her as soon as she walked into the building. Back on base, we have bulletin boards dedicated to well-known pirates in the area. With the jewelry exhibit shipping out in two days, we knew there would be an attempt to rob it, and-”

_Oh thank fuck the guys didn't come. Someone would have ended up with a bullet hole in them, and Lou would have been pissed, which means Stu, his fucking twin, would also be pissed. He’d probably passive aggressively cook us something awful, like a whole pot of brussel-sprouts._

Nox clicked his tongue, “Damn. Unfortunately, it’s time for me to get back to work.”

Ever subtly turned her head towards Hott-Mirabelle, Nox’s fingers now toying with the ends of her hair. Seeing Mirabelle’s hand inching closer towards the guard's keyring, she sighed, "I guess you really were on navy business.”

He grinned, fingering the seam one last time as he dragged his hand up her thigh and around her hip, slowly sliding Ever back into her seat, “I’m going to take a wild guess and say you don’t live on this island”?

“Nope,” she replied breathlessly, already missing his warmth, “just passing through.”

“Damn,” he casually stood up and offered his hand back to Ever, “What path is your ship following”?

She accepted his hand, giving her time to think of the perfect response. _It’s a dangerous question, but shit, what the hell do I know_. “Uhh, I’m not sure. The captain picks where he wants to go. He just promised I would have one hell of a good time.”

“Hmm.” He was watching Mirabelle again, her hand cupping the keys, “You should convince him to head to Emerald Cove. It's a three island-hop from here."

She quirked a brow at him, “And why should I do that”?

His eyes flashed, and his grin was downright sinful as he drawled, “It's home to the world-renowned Emerald Cove aquarium.”

_… I can’t believe that jerk is bringing it up, AGAIN!_

Nox leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Let’s meet there. Oh, and you should know,” he drew back and winked, “I always keep an extra pair of handcuffs on me.”

Ever snorted and backed away, giving him space to run if need be because Mirabelle had just pocketed the keys, “I told you, it’s not like that”! _It’s not like that, but handcuffs could be fun._

He waggled his eyebrows at her and turned towards the thief, calling over his shoulder as he stalked forward, “Let’s find out what it’s like next time then.”

Shaking her head and grinning like a fool, Ever made it out of the room right as Mirabelle started screaming.

~~

Ever was gliding through the Victoria Punk’s dim halls, humming a catchy pop song and floating on cloud nine. The ship was quiet, unnaturally so for the loud crew, but she was too happy to care. She preferred the quiet, and Ed had waved at her from the crow's nest, so obviously, nothing terrible had happened.

Walking into the meeting room and only half paying attention, she was still trying to scrape the mud from Nox’s boot off her shoe, Ever called in a singsong voice, “I'm back"!

There was no answer, so she looked up. The crew stared back at her, most of them doing a crappy job of disguising their shit-eating grins. Kid didn’t even bother to hide his. In fact, he looked ready to explode with laughter, his eyes shining with- _Oh my god, is that pride?_

Furrowing her brow, Ever took in the state of the room. Her pictures were taped all over the walls and on one corner of the large table in the center. Taking up the majority of it was a large, hand-drawn map of the museum’s layout. For some reason, Killer’s boot knife was sticking out of it. Looking towards the whiteboard, Ever stared in disbelief at the first mate. The man was writing frantically on the board, the marker awfully dark as he slammed it down with every word. Shit, the tension rolling off of him was probably visible from space.

Not sure what she had walked into, she spoke softly, “Did my pictures turn out alright”?

Killer grunted what she assumed was a yes, but didn’t turn around, his pounding marker the only sound in the room. Surprised at his gruff tone, she glanced back at the crew. Some watched on warily, but most of them were still grinning. Hell, Ever was sure she saw Ryder slide some money towards Luther, who then mouthed at her, “Go get him.”

Looking back at Killer, she turned in the direction of Wire and gestured with her hands, silently mouthing, “What’s his deal”?

He shot a knowing look at the first mate, rolled his eyes, and shrugged unhelpfully.

She stuck her tongue out at him, knowing he was holding something back.

Sighing, and using the silent foot technique the grumpy first mate had taught her, Ever avoided the creaky spot in the floor and stalked towards Kid, sidestepping a pile of crumpled up notes, three empty noodle bowls, and _my god, Killer really did a number on the table._ Sparing it a second glance, Ever only realized it was the “Aquarium” stabbed clean through because of the shitty drawing of a shark eating a fish beside it.

Drawing closer to Kid, his grin grew, and he actually held out a hand to fist-bump her.

Cautiously returning the familiar, yet unfamiliar gesture from him, Ever was even more caught off guard when he reached into her jacket and pulled out the still transmitting audio snail. _Oh shit I forgot about that._ “You’re definitely getting a raise out of this. I’ve never seen him this stressed.”

_Ok, what the hell is going on??_

Fixing Kid with an accusatory look, because 95% of the time, it's his fault, she whispered, "What the hell did you do"?

Kid smirked and rumbled softly, “Nothing,” before raising his voice to a near shout, “Killer’s just pissy because-”

Kid snatched the dry erase marker aimed at his face out of the air, “… of reasons.”

Wide-eyed, Ever glanced back and forth between Kid and Killer, the latter having already found another marker and was practically carving something into the board.

Only Killer could get away with something like that.

Confused, but too excited from her day to put much care into why, she smirked at Kid, “Well, this,” she dug around in her bag, “should cheer him right up.”

Not bothering to mask her steps, she walked up behind the blonde, bouncing on the balls of her feet with excitement, “Hey, I got you something”!

He stopped carving whatever he was carving and turned slowly. Most people would be terrified of whatever Killer’s mood was right now, but not Ever. He reminded her of a grumpy house cat, and she knew his mood was about to turn for the better.

Plucking the marker from his hand and shoving the paper bag towards him, she smiled widely up at him, “Here.”

Swallowing his grumble, he rifled through the bag. Ignoring how his calluses caught on the soft cotton inside, he pulled out a folded up navy blue patterned square. Unfolding it, he was glad no one could see his dumbfounded expression as he held up a pair of boxers. Looking at them closely, the pattern dotting the fabric consisted of little bowls of noodles with red chopsticks resting on top. Under the chopsticks, a noodle swirled playfully, forming the words, _Send Noods_.

Looking at Ever, she was grinning up at him and rambling on in excitement, "Do you like them? I saw them and knew you would get a kick out of them! Hopefully, the size is ok. I measured them against someone else, but you’re a little more…” She gestured towards his rather generous lower half, “bulky than he is, and I don’t know how you like them to fit. Maybe you can try them on before you head out tonight, so you can swap the size-“

Killer was still staring at her, disbelief evident in his voice “… You bought me boxers”?

She clutched her hands, suddenly uncertain, “Well, as far as I know, you don’t wear ties, and I didn’t like the look of the socks, so boxers were the way to go. If you don’t like them, I can probably figure out how to refit the elastic in the waist and use them as sleep shorts-”

He scrunched the boxers in his hand, his tone absolute, “No, I like them.”

Ever beamed up at him, “I’m glad.”

Turning back towards the crew when she heard a soft snicker, Ever saw more money exchanging hands, with Ronald raking in the majority of it. Rolling her eyes and mentally promising to demand at least half of whatever Ronald had earned from whatever Killer or herself had done, she asked a question she already knew the answer to, “So, do you guys think you can pull this off”?

Some snorted, most grinned, and Kid rolled his eyes, telling her to _"pull her head out of her ass and think about how stupid that question was.”_

Shaking her head in amusement, Ever called to Kid as she walked out of the meeting, “Hey, don’t take apart the ruby necklace until I try it on”!

He told her to “ _Fuck off_ ,” which in Kid speech, meant “ _Fine_ ,” and followed it up with, “By the way, we _do_ need to stop in Emerald Cove.” _Heh. Even Kid’s got money in this._

Still walking down the hall, Ever missed the other marker flying through the air. She had an inkling of what they were gambling about, so why not double the pot and split the profit with Killer? The crew didn’t have to know she was an active player in all of this.

Playing them like a fiddle, her smile was genuine as she cheerfully shot back, “Great! I’m hoping to meet someone there”!

Snickering as the crew collectively lost their shit, Ever made it to her room as Ronald’s voice rose above the din, "That's right! Give it all to papa, _you_ _fuckers_ ”!

Quietly shutting the door behind her, she slid down onto the floor and grinned from ear to ear, finally enjoying the enormity of how wonderful and unexpected her day had been.

~~

BONUS

A few nights later, Killer lay in bed sweating his ass off, wearing nothing but the boxers Ever had bought him. The new climate they had entered was brutal, the heat oppressive and suffocating even with the AC system he and Kid had installed. Fingering the cotton, he thought the thin material a godsend. The boxers had fit, so there was no need for him to exchange them, but he raided the gift shop anyway to grab the matching socks and tie.

Turning on his side, he eyed the bronze pasta bowl statue he had stolen. He couldn't sell it for much, but it was hilarious, and if he found that if he read the inscription on it over and over again, maybe he wouldn’t think about Ever’s flirty conversations with the captain. Like his suggestion that she wear his boxers to bed.

Shit. Now he’s fantasizing again.

There was Ever, not in her room but his, lounging on _his_ bed, wearing _his_ boxers. The navy fabric would have slid up her widespread creamy thighs, and the sensual smirk on her face hinted at what she already knew. At how much _he_ _wanted her_.

The fantasy always started the same, with him crawling over her and pinning her wrists above her head. Her eyes would spark, and she would lick her lips at him, arching her back so that her covered breasts brushed his chest. Grinning like a succubus, she’d wrap a leg around his waist and unexpectedly pull him down, grinding against him as she leaned forward to whisper huskily in his ear, _“Come on, Killer. I’ve been a bad girl, and I deserve to be punished.”_

_Fuck._

Now was the time for him to stop, to whale on a punching bag until he couldn't raise his arms anymore, or fill out the mind-numbing reports he was already two days behind on. He needed to stop, or it would end up like last night. Last night when he caved in the shower and fisted himself, hissing at how sensitive he was, and came to the thought of Ever mewling and begging for more beneath him.

Yeah, he needed to stop. But as he palmed himself through his boxers, he remembered he was only human. One more night wouldn’t hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, comments and critiques are welcome, but please be kind. For the past year, creative writing has become one of my stress relievers and is a welcoming break from the near-constant research papers I write for my degree. Having been bogged down writing these school papers for as long as I can remember, I'm struggling with, and essentially still learning how to write creatively. I know I will improve over time, so please be patient with me :)


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